I'll try to galvanize this group into a constructive discussion that might
be some fun.

I love my wife. I love my wife.  I love my wife.

That said, this voyage has been more for me than it has for her.  In other
words, we are doing this because I (me, Scott, myself) wanted to do this.
She is along because she knew it was important for me.  This then translates
into a lot of additional responsibility for me.  At sea she is usually
sedated 70% of the time.  The effects of the sea sickness medications render
her into a deep, comfortable sleep.  Fortunately on passages she can cover
the helm for a few hours, which is all I need to get through the next
day/night.  By night 3 it's pretty challenging, but we made it work.

I'm wondering what kinds of roles other skippers have that their partners or
spouses help with?  Do some find that dividing up the navigation or helm
duties works well?  Does anyone have advice for making the other spouse more
comfortable with the duties on a passage?

For Marian and I we have gotten to the point where she can operate the boat
and hold it in place in a busy anchorage or river and I'm confident she
could turn the boat around and pick me up if I fell overboard.  Early in the
trip it wouldn't have been necessary because I would have drowned, but now
it would be nice if she could come back and get me.

Let me ask a serious question:

How many of you that have made passages have confidence your partner could
circle the boat back and pick you up if you fell off the boat?

Have you ever practiced a MOB drill?

Did it include actually hoisting someone back in the boat?

Some tell me you should train your partner to be able to dock the boat.  I'm
happy that she can read the chart, operate the autopilot, get the boat close
enough to a dock that someone can grab a line or jump on.  I don't care if
it's damaged in getting to a dock, because if I'm sick enough that she is
bringing us back there are much bigger issues to deal with!!!

Scott E. Bulger, ALANUI, Nordhavn 40II, Seattle WA

Scott, et al.

Jennifer and I divide the helm duties, day and night, about 70% for me and
30% for her. We have been in this together since the start of our boating
life (16 years ago). Interests and abilities determine our rolls and duties
while aboard.

Jennifer could definitely turn back and pick me up if I were to fall
overboard. We have practiced this using a Life Sling, block and tackle, etc.

We also had a female captain come aboard and train Jennifer in maneuvering
and docking the boat. During that five-hour training session I was the deck
hand and I was expected to keep my opinions to myself. I did not train her
to dock the boat. Attempting that would have been a disaster!

With Jennifer at the helm, docking tends to be much easier because I am
bigger and stronger and more willing to run around the boat setting spring
lines and fenders. Also, on approaching the dock, strangers who want to help
are more likely to listen to directions from me than from her (I am sorry to
say).

Dean Crothers
M/V Emily B
50' DeFever LRC (single engine, wood hull, hydraulic-chain drive get-home
from genset to main shaft)
San Carlos, Sonora, Mexico